Unbecoming: Where It Begins

I think I always knew that personal development would be an ongoing thing. I had to have known. Life keeps on life-ing, surely I knew I hadn’t just like.. Arrived and would be forever set on this ultra-healed path of bliss and prosperity.

But then, somehow, amidst the day in and day out of regular life – beauty and pain, more love, more loss, more overcoming and more blows, little by little I lost the spark. 

I stopped reading. 

I stopped growing.

I stopped releasing.

I stopped processing and moving forward and began to stagnate.

Taking a step back and looking at it, it’s so obvious to me now. 

Amidst all of the sheer beauty and blessing – it’s really been a long, drawn-out, slow season of years worth of self-betrayals.

Different this time circumstantially, but the same core foundation: Self-sacrifice at the cost of the foundations of who I am.

I am a Christian woman, I believe in sacrifice. 

In patience, perseverance, and leaning on the Lord to get us through.

I have faith in the power of the Holy Spirit that lives inside of me.

I know and believe that God can and does heal and works miracles every single day.

And also, I ask myself, how can I live each moment honoring the love He has for me, by showing up in all of the light, bright, joy He created me for? Not as a shell – empty and aching for the fullness I used to walk in every day.

Someone gave me a word recently. She said, among other things, “You are not a peace-keeper. You are a peace-maker.”

It hit a spot so deep in my spirit and named some of the tensions I’ve been internally wrestling with for years.

I’m not entirely sure what this whole journey forward looks like right now, but I know it begins with naming some lies I’ve started to believe and operate from, from the inside out. 

Naming them, so I can process through them and replace them with truth. 

And in order to do that, first, has come this decision to stay. To explore. To lean into the discomfort of being present within what’s present for me right now. 

I’ve done this work before, this is not new to me. 

And dare I say – I’m excited for the rooting up that’s coming my way.

Care to journey with me? Have a listen and see what comes up for you: https://soundcloud.com/liveawakepodcast/podcast-exploring-the-wilderness-of-your-discomfort?in=maylou25/sets/sarah-blondin

Hugs ❤